Occupational Hazards

Working with the public is bound to have its side effects.  Some of those just happen to be some rather hilarious stories.  It doesn't matter who you are, if you do or say something crazy in a restaurant, I can pretty much guarantee that the staff is making fun of you.  Sometimes you will even be immortalized in perpetual stories, such as these guests...

"REGULAR"

I've gotten my table their basic set up.  They have their drinks and they declined an appetizer in favor of the free bread.  This is never a good sign.  Now it's time to take their order.  Being that they are an older couple, they decide to split a steak and add on another salad and side item.  She does most of the talking but I eventually need to ask him questions about his salad and side.

"I want a baked potato."

"Great.  Would you like cheese, butter, sour cream, bacon, and chives on that sir?"

He stares at me.  "No, I just want it regular."

I've worked in the restaurant for a lot of years, but I have no idea what "regular" means to this man.  So I take a guess.  "So...you want no toppings on it?"

"No," he says, and I sense frustration.  "I just want it regular."

What do you say to that at this point?  I have no idea.  I'm looking to her to try and help me, but she's not going to help me out.

"Okay."  As I pause, I wonder what my face is doing.  I have no idea what to say to this man.  "I'm sorry sir, I don't know what that means.  You can choose any of those toppings if you would like." 

Now he's going to be short with me.  "I just want butter, sour cream, and chives." 

"Fantastic.  I'll get that going for you, and your salads should be just a few minutes."  I'm just happy to get away from the table before I let my guard down and roll my eyes.  But now I will know what a "regular" baked potato is the next time someone asks.

"COKE"

Again, it's an older couple, but this treasure occurs during my initial greet.  In hindsight, I can see why they were asking the question, but at the time it was definitely a "what-is-my-face-doing" moment.  And it's a classic example of people blatantly ignoring what their server says at the table.

"How are you folks doing?  My name is Amy, I'll be your server.  Can I get you started with something to drink?  We have coke products, flavored lemonades, or we have a full-service bar."

They both look up from their menus.  "Do you have real coke?" he asks.

I'm not sure how to answer.  I have a couple of different things going through my mind.  I know from Flight of the Navigator that there have been several Coke versions over the years...new Coke, classic Coke, cherry Coke, diet coke, etc.  I don't know of any restaurant that carries a generic coke, like Shasta or something.  But I must have been watching too much Law and Order, because one of the first things I think of is cocaine.  And I'm almost insulted.  No, I don't have a drug dealer, so I am not now, nor have I ever been in possession of any real coke. 

I wonder what my face is doing.

"Real coke?" I ask, hesitantly.  I'm hoping he will clarify.

"Yes, real coke."  Of course, there was no clarification.  Fabulous.

"We have Coca-Cola," I offer, hoping that we can get somewhere.

"Okay, great.  I'll have a Jack and Coke."

My face still must be doing something strange, because then they clarify further that they don't like how Jack Daniels mixes with Pepsi, and some establishments will use whatever cola they have, even if you ask for a Jack and Coke.

Ohhhhhh.  I get it now.  But didn't I say we had Coke products?  I'm pretty sure I did.  Pay attention people!

Two more stories next time..."NOTHING EXTRA" and "HOW MANY BOXES?"  The hilarity gets better, trust me.