Top 3 Outback Laughs of 2010

So it's a new year, and has been for eighteen days.  I'm a little behind, but I thought I would share a little bit of humor, courtesy of random rock people.  Here's the top three highlights of the stupidest things people said to me at work in 2010.

#3: "Water Boy"
The old man at table 44

When I bring him his salad, he looks at me and says, "do you have a room temperature salad?"

I tell him no, while internally shaking my head in disbelief, knowing that he doesn't understand that in a restaurant, there really isn't a single food item you can hold at room temperature.  "We have to keep everything cold.  I can bring you a room temperature bowl if you would like."

He's not okay with that.  He says he'll let his salad sit for awhile.

Not much later, I notice he needs more water.  But my hands are full, and water pitcher's get rowdy when you put them on a tray.  So I tell him that I will be right back with a pitcher to top off his water.  But he either doesn't hear me, or like most people, just wasn't paying attention.

"Where do I get more water in this place?  Is there a boy that comes around and fills it?"

Really.

#2: "Tantrum Boy"
the thirty-something man at table 57

There is a couple at this table.  She orders Tilapia, he orders Ribs.  When their food is ready, I drop it off, noticing that I have been sat at one of my other tables.  I make sure that the couple has everything that they need, then greet the five-top.  I get their drink orders and we talk about the questions they have on the menu.  I'm at that table for probably about two minutes.

Before I go into the kitchen to get the five-top's drinks, I check on the couple.  She has taken a couple bites from her Tilapia.  He is sulking.

"How's everything tasting?"

"Um, we're going to need some boxes," she says to me.

"Okay..." I'm confused, clearly.  I look at their plates.  Neither of them have eaten very much.  I look at her, but she's looking at him, so I look over at him too.  He looks mad.  So I look back at her.

"He can't eat his ribs.  They're too hot."

"Okay, is that hot in terms of spicy or in terms of temperature?"  I look at him, this grown man who is pouting like a five year old.

"I can't &%$#@-ing pick them up!" he snaps at me.

Done.  I don't get paid enough for you to curse at me.

"Do you want two boxes or three?"  I box up their food and they leave.  Really dude, if you want cold ribs, you have to specify.  Our cold food comes cold, our hot food comes hot.  We don't do it the other way around.  And for heaven's sake, you can't let it sit for a minute?  Be a man already!

#1: Wait...What Do You Mean, I'm Not In France?!
the lady at table 44 (the same table as the old man, but on a much different night)

This is a group of three women.  Initially, I am annoyed that they are much more focused on their conversation than the questions I am trying to ask them, but eventually it's better that way, because I'm sure there was potential for them to be offended by my facial expression.  This is one that I'll be referring to for many years to come.

The woman sitting at pivot one is very particular about her order.  She asks me what is in EVERYTHING.  I have to explain all the sides, dressings, sauces, and salads.  So I do.  After I explain the salads to her, she decides that she will have our Blue Cheese Wedge Salad.

So I put their order in.  Since it's late, I wait for their salads and run them myself.  Once again, these women are completely enthralled in their conversation and do not acknowledge my existence.  When I set the Wedge in front of the lady at pivot one, she looks at it in confusion.

"Wait...what is this?"

"It's the Blue Cheese Wedge Salad."

She pauses, still confused.  "Oh, I thought it was a wedge of cheese."

Blink blink.  This is the point where I'm glad that no one is paying attention to me, because I can only imagine the look I must have had on my face.

Apparently, after patiently explaining all the salads and stating in the first three descriptions that lettuce was included, I forgot to mention that lettuce was also an integral part of the Blue Cheese Wedge SALAD.

My mistake.  I forgot that we aren't in France, and don't sell cheese salads.  Oops.

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So there you have it.  As you can see, working with the public makes every day an adventure.  Who knows what nonsense 2011 will bring?